At The Beginning There Has Always Been Darkness

And im finally starting new from the scratch.

I feel somewhat quiet and peaceful. Finally i have been able to grow up. Quite a progress, being 31, huh? But it was necessary. I was being unfair and hurtful towards more then one person and slowly it was starting to bug me. Call me selfish, unkind and immature. I really dont mind.

Right now I have only one thing on my mind and that is wondering what is to come. Im looking forward in life. Im concentrating on the present as well as on the future. I dont want my past decisions and overall my past to hunt me. What happened is history.

Maybe i needed this valuable and rather painful lesson. I dont know what I would be doing if I was looking at things from that other perspectives. I think it could ruin my life, it would make it pointless. And yet I kept going and Im ashamed to admit that until now I dont really feel that much remorse anyways. I dont know why. Am I really that heartless and cold? Am i really so cynical that hurting the one I love the most (as much as he loves me) leaves me sometimes stone cold sober?

At the moment I want to concentrate on my job. I need to bury myself in what Im doing and become even more productive. Im looking forward to our Cambodia trip. I just need to be somewhere else right now.